|
Blanches Memoirs, part 3
(this one in the words of my wayward daughter, whom I love
The town criers voice was a clear bell in the gentle breeze this lovely morn in Blowzy.
"Hooters Heaven" is having a little rain, but not so in this fair village. [After proclaiming the weather, local cattle count, obituaries, and court list for the guillotine in Xaohgi, Josette got to the part my friends and I had waited for:] Baywitch prophesies that there will be a grand ball in a fortnight at the main castleperennial counterpoint Tercec says it is not a royal ball, but a royal rout at the castle. Tercec says Baywitchs crystal ball is smudged! In other castle news, the king is scheduled to royally inspect the new indoor toilette put in by the Spitandshwit cousins before it is proclaimed fit for royal consumption. "
Then there were lesser stories yet; two dogs scrapping over a bone and a human interest piece on QueenieReads new feather display in the atrium. HOHUM.
We were 15 and all we wanted to know is PARTY- PARTY- PARTY! Shamrock and Malo already had garments ready. (Baywitch predictions are always right on.) Gidget and China were fighting over who got to wear red velvet, as materials were coming to Blowzy today at the mercantile. Aerrick and Amberina could not afford new clothes, but were determined to fix up their old duds with satin ribbon. They all envied me, because it was local knowledge that Blanche, my dear hopelessly romantic mother, had made me a ball gown when I was 3, and it was displayed in the window of the tavern for a ball... 'to someday come when her precious daughter could be debutante.' Talk about a cross to bear! For one thing, I am not as pretty as Momma... two, she made it to fit herself at 15, and I do not have her endowments. I once tried to joke her out of it, like I must have been left on the doorstep by a flat-chested gypsy, but she goes ballistic at the mention of my birth, so I am quiet at the mention.
 Unknown to my friends and myself, Prince Consort and King Cholesterol were, at that moment arguing outside the castle doors. "You need to show yourself a mighty leader and unafraid of anything, my son, if you want me to turn the kingdom over to you one day," said the king. "But, sire, I am tired. I dont want to help with the toilet inspection. A charming group of castle entertainers want to soothe my brow with a tot of ale and a back massage. I am told Niki, the leader of the Pixie Chicks, is... especially a sight for soothing my brow. Suggie and Swbear come in a near second and third if you like them lean, gorgeous and mean."
"I am ashamed of your laziness, son. See that stray German Shepherd over there? He shows more spunk than you! Why, he is eating your Mastiffs gruel right under Edna Maes nose! Come over here. I have already looked at and okay-ed the work. The ribbons in Blowzy are cheap polyester, so instead of having a ribbon-cutting ceremony, you will pound one nail into the side of the commode in a gesture of sovereignty and comradeship. Lets hope the crowd will not see through the politics! "Wonderwoman and Ruth, the kings assistants, pretended not to hear the royal repartee. They did raise their brows privately about Norman wielding a hammer. "Do you think hell live through the exertion? Lets hope he doesnt drop it on Pupshin, Freddi s dog. WW whispered to Ruth. "That would be a sad sight indeed," said her friend.
To his credit, Norman smiled hugely to the crowd and told them he was about to coronate the sanctum sanctorum for the royal family. Ben Spitandshwits held the nail and closed his eyes. He moved the nail a mille-inch; Norman missed it by a yardstick. "Let me hold that nail, you dunce," whispered the king in a face-saving display. He bent over to pick up a nail in front of Norman. "Now hit it hard," he said as Norman looked at the kings voluminous derriere. ""Oh, I could not, my dear father." "I command you," said the mighty king. "Be a man and hit that damnable nail down the center!!!"
The next morning Josette, the faithful town crier, began with the headline news in Blowzy: "
"Prince Norman and his lovely wife Queeniereads announce a grand ball in honor of his Majesty King Cholesterols upcoming birthday! Queeniereads, the feathered darling of the court, has named the gathering the LOCKJAW BALL. The entire realm is invited. "
My friends and I were frankly curious about the queen's odd use of the language, but our minds were really too distracted to think about anything but PARTY-PARTY-PARTY!!!!!
|
